Major Objectives of the Bush Presidency
- Defense: Develop and orbit a
"Star Wars" system, to guard against
strategic missile attacks by rogue entities with
no strategic missile capacity.
- Education: Close public schools, so
poor families must send their children to private
schools which may refuse to admit them, and which
they can't afford anyway, even with vouchers.
- Energy: Encourage future
conservation of fossil fuels, by burning them all
now as fast as we can.
- Environment: In-Varmint? Wat's 'at?
Kin we drill it? Hey, I got a pitcher o' me
standin' next t' a tree!
- Faith-Based
Initiative: Funnel public funds for
social programs to religious groups —
including Christians, Jews, Confucians,
Buddhists, Mormons, Muslims, Hindus,
Scientologists, Unificationists, and Wiccans
— and have faith that every cent of that
public money will be spent for humanitarian
purposes, not for promotion of sectarian ideas.
- Family
Values: You look after your own
unruly brats, and the Secret Service will look
after mine.
- Foreign
Affairs: Unilaterally abandon any
treaty the administration finds inconvenient,
thus lowering the level of American negotiating
credibility to that of Iraq.
- Health
Care: Ensure healthy profits for
HMOs, by allowing them to make medical decisions
formerly made by doctors, and restricting
patients' rights to sue for any harmful effects
of those decisions.
- Military: Reduce the chance of
becoming involved in a war by slashing the combat
ability of the armed forces.
- Tax
Relief: The wealthiest need the
most relief; the middle-class will be happy with
a little pocket change. Let the young, the old,
the poor, and the sick go begging to the
churches, synagogues, and temples (see
Faith-Based Initiative).
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